Stupid Call of the Day

 stupid: i read on your website that there is essay writing. er. what is essay writing?
 me: YOU WRITE AN ESSAY LOR

No, a hundred bucks is not the same as a hundred bucks

I have a hundred bucks in US dollars. Now that's a currency I don't really want to hang on to, so I decide to exchange it for some useful Singapore dollars.

Going by the current exchange rate, USD100 is approximately SGD150. That's a nice amount, and can buy me lots and lots of chocolate!

I decide to go for it. I take a little walk to the Money Changer. An exchange of the verbal variety thus ensues.

Me: Hi, how much Sing. Dollars do I get for a hundred US?

Idiot: *takes out calculator and punches in numbers* one-five-zero-point-five.

Me: Oh, ok. I'll change a hundred US to Sing, please.

Idiot: Ok.

Me: *hands over 5 x 20-dollar bills*

Idiot: *counts out money, examines them carefully, puts them through the counterfeit money detector, comes back to counter, counts out money carefully, consults with Other Idiot* (all this takes about five minutes)

Idiot: For this, you get one-five zero. *punches out numbers and shows me calculator - 150.00*

Me: What, huh? Why the difference?

Idiot: Because it's like this *shows me the twenties*, not one hundred.

Me: *expression of bwuh?*  That's a hundred dollars.

Idiot: Ya, but it's different.

Me: How is it different? I gave you one hundred dollars.

Idiot: This is not one hundred-dollar note.

Me: I can see that. But 5 twenties equals a hundred. It's the same thing!

Idiot: It's different, lor.

Me: Ok. WHY is it different? 

Idiot: *looks helplessly at Other Idiot*

Other Idiot: This one is not a hundred dollar note. This one is small notes, different lor.

Me: I'm aware that there's a difference between a single hundred-dollar bill and five twenty-dollar bills, but why is there a difference in value? It's still ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

Other Idiot: It's different! It's not one hundred note, it's small notes.

Me: YES, BUT WHY IS THE VALUE DIFFERENT?!? I've never heard of this.

Other Idiot: Everywhere you go, same thing. You go other place and see, lah. This one is small notes, it's different. You get less sing dollars. 

Me: I DON'T CARE ABOUT HOW MUCH I GET. IT'S A DIFFERENCE OF FIFTY BLOODY CENTS, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I just want to know the REASON why there's a difference in value, what's the REASON behind getting more for a hundred-dollar note, as opposed to five twenty-dollar notes, WHY IS THERE A DIFFERENCE IN HOW MANY SING DOLLARS I GET?!?

Other Idiot: There's a difference. 

Me: *gives up* Give me back my money.

Now I know why there's a glass panel at the counter. It's to stop people from launching themselves at the Idiots to punch them.

Stupid Call of the Day Awards

I have decided to create a Stupid Call of the Day Awards for my office. The winner last Friday:

SCotD: hi! i'm a local and i took my a'levels and i'd like to apply. do i click on international or a'levels?
me: are you a foreign student?
SCotD: no i'm singaporean
me: did you go to polytechnic?
SCotD: no i took a'levels
me: so what do you think?

...

Peabrain

An email is urgent when the sender puts the word "URGENT" in capital letters in the subject header and flags it as an important email with a freaking red flag..   =================   * peabrain heading to the loo* me : *hijacking peabrain* hey peabrain peabrain! did you read my email about needing inputs for the big boss?? (note: this is when i'd not receive his inputs after my stated submission deadline) peabrain: *fake blank look on face* huh? Wat email? did you just send it? me : *thinking what a freaking lazy bugger .. he was sitting at his desk ALL MORNING staring at his notebook! At this point, i concluded that he was checking his soccer results online* no. i sent it on __and asked for your inputs before __pm today. Can u pls take a look at it. peabrain: ok *heads back to desk; less than a min, comes back to me*. Didn't she send u the inputs already? me :*thinking just how freaking lazy can you be?!!* she sent me the email chain for MY info .. i need you to draft a para for the big boss' brief. Just zero in on the main points. Big boss doesn't need to know process. *screaming in my head, i just want ONE para fr you, u lazy peabrain!* peabrain: *prob thinking shitz! i gotta do work* ok ok ... i will draft something   ^ the sad truth is that i already anticipated that he won't do ... and i already drafted something to pre-empt his lack of contribution .. but i refuse to let peabrain to get away with it ... hmm, have i mentioned that i wish he would just buck up ... but hey, it's been more than 6 months of non-performance in all areas. time to stop being hopeful ^

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E is not for Excellent, F is not for Fantastic

idiot: I would like to find out what is chance of getting into your school
me: there is a grade profile on our website that you can refer to
idiot: i went there but i dont understand wat a good pass means. i got F for GP.
me: well an F is not a pass

Nasty Looking?

The budget table is pretty nasty looking-use another column to break up the details further.

OI WHAT YOU WANT? FLOWERS?

I love Yodaisms

My boss.

 

Me: Are we getting insured for the event? Travel insurance for eg

Him: No

Me: And we'd need medical insurance. It's dangerous to walk onsite during build up.

Him: You don't need to walk inside during build up

Me: *duh? So how would we set the exhibition up?* Our staff office is in there.*I proceed to explain to him how signboards may drop on his head while he walks past, annihilating whatever minimal intelligence he still possesses.*

Him: There is always a safety path that needs to be created

Me: erm riiiiight

 

AM I TALKING TO YODA? I mean what is with the cryptic answers?